The UK Parliament’s POSTnote offers a valuable examination of violence against women and girls (VAWG) in schools and among young people in the UK. It highlights the importance of addressing this issue through updated legislation, prevention strategies and educational interventions. However, while the report offers some insightful policy recommendations, it predominantly relies on a risk-based, certainty-driven approach to tackling VAWG. In contrast, our safe uncertainty framework presents an opportunity to deepen our understanding of the issue, offering a more reflective, relational and context-sensitive approach that can improve existing strategies.
See our guide to safe uncertainty here:
Strengths of the POSTnote
The note offers some valuable insights into the scope of VAWG, the demographics most affected and current governmental responses. It is aligned with key policy initiatives, such as the Home Office’s commitment to halving VAWG by 2035 and the updated Relationships and Sex Education (RSE) guidance, which are worth examining for further details on what the government is doing in this area. The note highlights the need for coordinated action across sectors, engaging schools, law enforcement and community organisations, which aligns with what we’ve argued following our research conducted with Jessica Ringrose on police-school partnerships in tackling harmful sexual behaviour (HSB) among young people (see papers here and here).
We also commend the inclusive approach to identifying vulnerable groups. The note emphasises the intersectionality of VAWG, pointing out how age, race, sexual orientation and disability influence young people’s vulnerability to abuse. The participants in our policing HSB project highlighted these complexities, although we strongly argue that it is important note to reduce harm to specific factors and instead situate it within a broader cultural landscape where peer, school and institutional dynamics shape the meaning, experience and response to harm.
Overall, we can see that the note addresses the complexities of VAWG and its multifaceted, cross-institutional nature – there’s plenty of scope here to build upon, including based on our safe uncertainty perspective.
Weaknesses of the POSTnote
While the note covers significant ground, it falls short in providing a more nuanced, context-sensitive analysis of VAW). Most notably, it adopts a risk-based approach that categorises young people and their experiences in fixed terms, such as the clear distinctions between ‘victims’ and ‘perpetrators’. This binary thinking overlooks the complex realities young people face in relationships, where the lines between victim and perpetrator are not always clear-cut. Many young people experience ambivalence in their intimate and sexual dynamics, where feelings of confusion, guilt and desire coexist in ways that binary labels cannot capture.
For example, a young person who experiences emotional coercion in a relationship may feel like a victim in some moments, but also normalise it in others, perhaps due to societal pressures or personal uncertainties about what constitutes abuse. This emotional complexity, where power dynamics and emotional responses intertwine, is often glossed over in frameworks that focus solely on categorising behaviour. Importantly, these perspectives cannot simply be ‘corrected’ just by telling young people the definitions of abuse – instead, as we suggest below, they need to be explored and addressed dialogically.
The report also lacks an in-depth exploration of the emotional complexities involved in VAWG. While it focuses on managing risk and punitive measures, there is little discussion on how to create reflective spaces for young people to examine their emotions and relational experiences. From a safe uncertainty perspective, such reflection is crucial for long-term behavioural change and for creating healthier approaches to relationships.
When considering perpetration, the emotional dynamics behind harmful behaviours are often overlooked. Many young people who engage in abusive actions may not see themselves as ‘bad’ or ‘evil’ but may act out of insecurity, fear of rejection or social pressures to conform to gendered expectations or peer norms. These feelings can drive a desire to assert control or dominance, which may stem from an internalised fear of vulnerability, deep insecurity or a desire to maintain power in relationships to avoid feeling emasculated. These emotional drivers are rarely explored in prevention programmes, which often focus solely on the definitions and consequences of actions rather than the underlying emotions that fuel them.
Similarly, in victimisation, young people may experience feelings of obligation, guilt or a desire for the relationship that prevents them from leaving an abusive dynamic. A fear of abandonment or a desire to prove commitment can keep them invested in unhealthy relationships. Moreover, many young people may normalise abusive behaviours due to influences from their family, media or peer groups, or because they lack awareness that their experiences constitute abuse. For example, a young person who experiences emotional manipulation might feel obligated to tolerate certain behaviours to prove their commitment to the relationship, even though these actions are damaging.
By creating reflective spaces where young people can explore these complex emotions – such as insecurity, fear, desire and guilt – we can help them understand that abuse is not just a series of isolated actions but a complex emotional experience. This experience often involves a combination of power dynamics, emotional attachment and social pressures. Our safe uncertainty framework encourages reflection on these emotional underpinnings, which allows for more compassionate, nuanced approaches to understanding and addressing VAWG. We suggest that creating such reflective spaces can help prevent future harm by addressing the emotional drivers that contribute to both perpetration and victimisation, and building empathy, self-awareness and healthier relationship dynamics.
The safe uncertainty approach: A reflection-based framework for VAWG
Our safe uncertainty framework offers a valuable counterpoint to the certainty-driven, risk-based strategies often employed in VAWG prevention. It centres on ambivalence, complexity and reflection, encouraging individuals to explore the grey areas of their relationships and experiences. Rather than presenting a set of rules or expectations, safe uncertainty invites dialogue, enabling young people to articulate the contradictions they feel in their emotional lives.
Embracing ambivalence and complexity
A key tenet of safe uncertainty is that relationships – especially those involving gender, power and sexuality – are complex and often ambiguous. Young people may feel torn between desire, fear, anger and confusion when it comes to navigating consent, intimacy and power dynamics. Rather than framing these emotions as wrong or inappropriate, the safe uncertainty approach allows young people to engage with their feelings, reflecting on the contexts that shape them.
In relation to VAWG, this means acknowledging the emotional contradictions that survivors and perpetrators often experience. For example, a young person who feels both victimised and complicit in certain relational behaviours may struggle to reconcile these conflicting emotions, even if their feelings of complicity are misplaced and need to be challenged. The safe uncertainty approach encourages reflection on these complexities, rather than reducing them to simple victim/perpetrator categories. While it allows for challenging and reframing attitudes, beliefs and feelings that perpetuate harm, it does so dialogically and after surfacing and engaging with the ambivalence that young people may articulate.
Moving beyond binary thinking in prevention
The note emphasises prevention programmes aimed at educating young people about consent, healthy relationships and gender equality. However, much of this education is framed in binary terms: consent is either given or not, and relationships are either healthy or abusive. This oversimplified approach neglects the nuances of young people’s lived experiences and, therefore, may not necessarily support them to navigate their relationships and intimate interactions. As the latest RSHE guidance for England states, consent is as much about ethics as it is the law, and young people need opportunities to explore these complexities and develop ethical reasoning – this is one of the key strengths of the guidance, which we discuss further here.
We suggest that safe uncertainty offers a more flexible, reflective model for prevention. It doesn’t just teach rules or dos and don’ts; instead, it encourages critical thinking about the emotional, social and relational complexities of young people’s lives. For example, a reflective RSE programme grounded in safe uncertainty might create spaces for students to discuss the grey areas they encounter in their own relationships, whether online or offline.
By exploring the uncertainties and contradictions they face, we don’t normalise the harm that may result or take a fatalistic approach that nothing can be done (that would constitute unsafe uncertainty, which we don’t recommend). Instead, students are empowered to engage in self-reflection, asking questions like: “What does consent really feel like?”, “How do we navigate our feelings when we’re not sure what’s right?” and “Why may someone agree to something they don’t really want?”. Importantly, safe uncertainty invites young people to explore and identify how to respond to these dilemmas safely and responsibly, which requires interpersonal skills but also reflection on social norms and development of emotional awareness and self-regulation. It cannot be imposed on young people through top-down messages of what is acceptable and unacceptable – this reflects a ‘safe certainty’ approach that may feel clear and reassuring but not necessarily offer the tools for creating real change.
Engaging boys in relational education
One of the critical areas where safe uncertainty can deepen the conversation is around engaging boys in conversations about masculinity and VAWG prevention. The note mentions that boys should be encouraged to challenge harmful gender norms, but it primarily frames this in terms of negative behaviours, such as teaching boys to avoid harmful practices like sexual harassment or violence. While these are important lessons, we need to expand the conversation and engage all young people – boys and girls together – in a more holistic, relational education that builds healthy interactions and cultures.
Safe uncertainty invites both boys and girls to explore the complexities of their own gendered experiences. Masculinity is not a one-size-fits-all concept; it is shaped by social, cultural and emotional factors. Through dialogical spaces and reflective exercises, safe uncertainty offers boys an opportunity to engage in a more nuanced exploration of what it means to be a man in today’s world, examining how societal expectations shape their behaviour, emotions and relationships. This process is not just about addressing harmful behaviour but about providing a space for boys to reflect on their internal conflicts, such as vulnerabilities, insecurities and the pressures they face. These reflections can help boys better understand how these factors shape their perceptions of power, intimacy and control in relationships. We have explored the need for this approach here, here and here.
However, it’s crucial to also engage girls and boys together in these conversations. We need to create spaces where young people can practice and model healthy, respectful interactions in their relationships, rather than targeting them separately. By engaging both genders together, we help create a mutual understanding of the complexities of gender-based violence and harm, creating opportunities for all young people, regardless of gender, to reflect upon and identify what constitutes abuse. This includes abuse that girls may enact towards boys, as well as harm that occurs in same-sex dynamics, which is often overlooked in traditional gendered discussions of VAWG.
A gender-sensitive approach to VAWG must engage with the interpersonal and normative contexts that shape gender disproportionalities in the experiences and enactments of abuse. However, it must also ensure that all young people, regardless of gender, have the opportunity to explore what constitutes abusive behaviour in any relationship, whether heterosexual or same-sex, and whether the perpetrator is male or female.
Rather than merely correcting harmful behaviour, safe uncertainty creates a reflective space where the underlying attitudes, beliefs and feelings that lead to harmful practices can be surfaced and reframed in more ethical, healthy and responsible directions. This approach is not about normalising harmful behaviours but about offering young people the tools to recognise and redefine what it means to have positive, fulfilling relationships, moving away from the zero-sum games of gender rights and progress towards a more mutual outlook.
Through such a reflective approach, safe uncertainty helps young people navigate the emotional complexities of relationships, where they can recognise the interconnectedness of their emotional experiences – whether as perpetrators or victims – and find pathways to healthier, more equitable dynamics in their personal relationships.
Linking safe uncertainty with policy and practice
The note makes valuable recommendations for policy and practice, such as whole-school approaches, strengthening RSE and engaging with communities. However, we suggest that these recommendations would be further enhanced by incorporating safe uncertainty principles.
For example, policies could prioritise reflective practice for educators and practitioners, ensuring that they are not only trained to deliver information but are also supported to reflect on their own biases, emotional responses and uncertainties about issues like VAWG. When educators model reflective practice, they create safe spaces where young people can explore the complexities of these issues with empathy and understanding.
Our safe uncertainty framework has already been used to rethink education, harm prevention and digital safety in various contexts. Here are some relevant blogs that explore these themes:
- Reimagining Relationships and Sex Education: A Safe Uncertainty Response to the New Government Guidance – A deep dive into how safe uncertainty can reshape RSE to be more reflective and relational.
- Beyond Behaviour: Rethinking How We Police and Prevent Sexual Harm in Schools – This post critiques traditional behaviour-based approaches to preventing sexual harm and advocates for a more reflective, dialogical approach.
- Position Paper: Tackling Image-Based Sexual Abuse (IBSA) Among Young People – Discusses how safe uncertainty can guide responses to the growing issue of IBSA and digital harm.
- Is the Crisis Masculinity, or the Way We Talk About It? Responding to Adolescence from a Position of Safe Uncertainty – Explores how safe uncertainty offers a more nuanced, reflective approach to engaging boys in conversations about masculinity and VAWG.
- The UK Pornography Review: Strengths, Gaps, and a New Way Forward – Analyses the limitations of the UK’s approach to pornography education and proposes a safe uncertainty-driven framework for discussing online sexual harm.
- Reimagining Digital Intimacies: Reflections from Our Workshop on Image-Based Sexual Abuse – Reflects on the need for safe uncertainty in addressing the complexities of digital sexual harm.
- How to Have Sex – A lighthearted yet insightful take on how Safe Uncertainty can guide conversations about sex and relationships, moving beyond instruction and into reflective dialogue.
Safe uncertainty goes beyond the risk-based, certainty-driven approach that often dominates this landscape, and which can limit the potential for meaningful reflection and nuanced understanding. It presents a powerful alternative, encouraging dialogue, empathy and reflective practice in addressing the pervasive issue of VAWG. By embracing complexity, engaging young people in reflective conversations and creating space for exploring emotional contradictions, safe uncertainty moves beyond binary thinking and work towards more inclusive, effective strategies to prevent VAWG.
Check out our work and sign-up to be involved in developing a safe uncertainty approach to engaging with and educating young people on sex, relationships and intimacies: www.re-imagining-rse.org and follow us for updates on LinkedIn: @reimaginingRSE